a dialogue over

I enjoyed this class very much, although I still have my creative project and research paper to write. I actually made some female friends, too! This is a huge deal, because I made my first official female friend from college only three months ago, and now I have at least three more. Woohoo! I really did enjoy our group: the dynamics worked out very well, and things only got caddy when people were bored at the end of the trip and had nothing else to talk about.

I'm thinking of everyone now as I had been. Waiting in the airport for Ryan, I wondered in my head where he was up in the sky, and where everyone else was as well. Meghan went on to a cruise on the Dalmation coast, Lauren to Paris and London with her grandmother, and Sonja back on her own a few hours after everyone else. I thought of you at your take-off, and as you were in the sky. When it was 1030 here that night, I hoped that everyone had touched down in Boston safely. A lot of them really missed home. I think that I'm too stubbornly independent, but I do miss little things sometimes.

As far as missing home was concerned, though, sometimes I wanted to throttle people, I won't lie. I did a very good job...for a Meaghan...keeping these opinions to myself. Yes, the American Embassy was attacked by three gunmen days before we left for İstanbul and two guards were killed, and yes a bomb was set off that killed fourteen+ people an injured more miles outside İstanbul proper, but this is the Middle East, people. Things like this happen about once a month, but they kill fewer people than drive-by shootings in the United States. I'm sorry if anyone from my group is reading this and is offended, but you should have thought about what you were doing before you came here. You were i no danger, and you should have trusted your professor, who's Turkish.

I was lucky enough to be rooming with Gözde, who asked me, 'Are your friends scared, Meaghan?' 'Yes, but that's only because they're just now hearing what the news in America is showing. Remember what I showed you?' 'Yes, okay. But you're not scared?' 'No.' 'Good. Scared is silly.' Yeah, silly. The day after the bomb, we walked around İstanbul with the rest of everyone, going about out business. Although I understand some fear because people didn't have access to information, I feel that the real fright happened when people got wind of what American media was portraying.

Mommy, I'm so proud of you for not freaking out. I admit, I was a little worried that you'd have a heart attack at me, and I"m sure that you did a little bit, but you can't even begin to comprehend how happy I was not to receive freaked out American e-mails begging me to come home.

I did pray in one of the nice churches for you, and for everyone else. We happened to visit a church in İstanbul at one point (read: stumbled upon and entered), and there was a sign asking that no one cross a certain point except to pray. Not liking to be held back, I crossed it, entered a pew on my own, and kneeled. I kneeled in all of the churches that we visited, where I was afforded and opportunity, for the same reason that Sobie covered her head in Sultanahmet: she had never entered a mosque without covering her head. I still even crossed myself with holy water upon entering, and I entered with Jessica, who's Jewish. Even though I don't pray to that god that most people in this world do, I figure that that energy that flows through all living things may as well be the same manifestation, and just because I'm in a certain god's house doesn't mean that I can't pray. I pray for all of you not to worry about me, for you to be safe and healthy, and for you to be enjoying your summers.

Other student's family members were not enjoying themselves, apparently, and were being ludicrous with worry. Students actually contacted Northeastern (whose president still visited on 04 August) to get tickets home, but when they realised they were only a couple days early and 1000 USD more, they decided not to go.

Ah, now I see where your concern for personal safety ends.

Seriously, the product of our culture just got rick under my skin and itched there as people carried on about how the crowded bus that we were on would be a perfect target, or how we shouldn't go to the bazaar. When we visited the water treatment facility, I wanted SO BADLY (this is totally a trait from you, Mommy) to make a comment about how if terrorists were really smart, then they would bomb the city's water supply...o, wait, where are we right now? We're literally standing right on top of the mountain summit where the treatment facility and open pools are...o... I didn't, however, but it took a great deal of strength. I mostly enjoy ridiculing people, methinks, but only when it's to prove a point.

Luckily, these people are home, and I'm in Turkey with a wonderful companion who is happy to travel with me, my rudimentary Turkish, and my stubborn communication skills. He's still napping, the sweet thing, but he seems to be waking up a bit now. Maybe we can finish Aladdin (yay!)...

I will end with one (albeit egocentric) quote from hocam, as we ate delicious desert in a traditional place:

'You know, at the beginning of this trip, you seemed to me to be so delicate, but you've turned out one of the strongest.'

That's all that I know how to do.